Wrong Impression

It’s almost a week since the last time that I participated in the Daily Prompt challenge and yes, here I am again! Haha!

Today, Daily Prompt asked:

Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?

As a middle child, I grew up with very little attention from my family (this is from my OWN point of view, okay?)

My mom is always swooning about my brother (our eldest) – how good he is, how intelligent, how obedient, etc. On the other hand, my dad is always fond of our youngest (my younger sister next to me) – well, she’s the only one who grew up in front of his eyes (they used to work abroad and they only decided to settle down in our country when I’m already six). He is not an emotional person, he don’t play with us or hug us or cuddle us. He just sit down with us, give advises about life (that happened when I was 15 already) or encourage us in a not-so-encouraging way (he will frankly criticize us then point out what things we need to change or advise us what things we need to improve). Whatever the reason behind that, I’m pretty that’s his way showing that he loves us.

Going back to my topic, since I felt like none of them is giving me attention, I tend to do things without considering the outcome. I’m like “Who cares? No one will notice it anyway. I can get away with this.” I did a lot of things that gave me the reputation as a naughty kid (that’s how adults would see it, I think). To me, it’s like being a black ship since I am the only one in our family who did those things. Not even my cousins even tried those.

Well, I know having an attitude is not a good thing. In accordance to that, I maintained good records for the academics. I may be a snobbish naughty kid with a sharp tongue but at least I am not a good-for-nothing.

Years passed and a lot of things happened. Puberty came and in the midst of all those confusing stuff that flooded my head – I tried my hardest to gain harmony and peace within myself. I got tired of being too emotional or asking for care and attention. Maybe I had to think more maturely to save myself from my own destruction. All those years since I was 14 ’til I graduated in college (I was 20 years old then) , I had that idea that they see me as a black sheep. That changed when I got pregnant.

If you’ll think that you are the worst kind in your lot, you’ll probably think that you’ve got nothing to lose.

I got pregnant right after I graduated college. I know I disappointed my parents but what surprised me was the reaction from our relatives. The idea of having your own family at such an early age AND right after graduating from college – well, to them it’s like you’re throwing your life away. Of course you need to focus on your kids and your family – stuff like that. Well, I’m not looking at it that way but that way they shared their feelings towards my situation, that is really surprising.

One of my cousins said:

“What happened to you? I never thought you’d end up like this. I envy your life. I wanted to have what you want and yet … “

I know that doesn’t sound good but the way she explained it. Wow! Both of us we’re crying the whole time. Same thing happened with one of my Aunts too. Most of them didn’t see me having my family this early. They have their high expectations for me. They have those wonderful plan  for my own future – a good job overseas, a wonderful husband, financial stability before settling down, all the ideal things that you want in life.

I’m not sure if you’re getting my point here though.

I grew up thinking that my family sees me as a black sheep but in reality they have the best and highest aspirations for me. It never even occurred to me, not even once, that people around me can actually see me and appreciate my potentials.

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