For Her

Dear You,

Well, hindi tayo close. Simpleng batch mate lang kita nung high school and probably you don’t even know who I am. You always belong to the first section, ako naman sa second. Never tayong nagkausap pero somehow kilala kita, nakasama ko naman kasi yung ibang close friends mo sa PCSCATU, like Nessy and Veejay. Pero hanggang dun lang.

Una mong nakuha ang atensyon ko nung nagpost ka ng ultrasound picture mo sa facebook na may kasamang message. Dun na nag-umpisa ang lahat. I started reading your posts about that issue, at medyo nagging stalker din ako that time dahil I back tracked on a lot of things to get more information.

From facebook to twitter, and now thru your blog, Baby Journal.

Alam mo, sobrang tuwang tuwa ako sa blog mo na yun.  I always read your posts, minsan twice pa nga. Nakaka-relate ako dun sa ibang bagay na nilalagay mo, gaya ng tungkol sa cravings. Yung emotional ‘rants’ mo tungkol sa sitwasyon nyo nung taong yun, medyo nakaka-relate din ako sa mga ‘yon minsan. I don’t know the whole story so I just base everything on what you post. Sometimes I tend to put myself in your shoes and try to think of things that I would if I’m in that same situation. (Gusto ko nga sana mag-post ng comment kaso nahihiya ako)

Minsan, hindi rin nagkakalayo ang sitwasyon natin. Sayo, malinaw na mayroon syang iba. Sakin naman, hindi ko alam kung mahal pa nya ko. Magkaiba ng sitwasyon pero pareha ang ‘ending’, ang gusto lang ng tatay ay yung anak. Sometimes I think your situation is better than mine. At least hindi ka nangangapa sa lugar mo dun sa taong yun. Ako, madalas hindi ko alam. Minsan mas masakit yun kasi umaasa ka na magiging ok kayo hanggang huli, yun pala iba yung intension nya.

 “I’m treating him the way he wants to be treated. And I don’t know how long I could keep this going. In the end, it’s me who’s gonna get hurt. And I’m afraid that one day, I’d be numb to the pain that everything will just be as tolerable as it is.” 

Bilang isang babaeng nasa kalagayan mo din, napagdaan ko na din yung ibang mga napagdadaanan mo ngayon. Yung worries mo about the whole situation, yung mapagsabihan ka ng “bakit ka nagkaganyan? Anong nangyari sayo?”(na para bang ang baba baba mo na dahil lang nabuntis ka), yung pag-iisip ng tungkol sa future nyo mag-ina, saan kayo titira after baby’s birth, whose surname will he use,  yung idea na “kung financially stable lang ako, alam ko kung anong gagawin ko. Kaso sa ngayon, kailangan ko munang umasa sa maibibigay ng mga tao sa paligid ko”, I’ve been there.

“If only I’m financially capable to raise you. I’d have plans for the both of us already. But since I’m not, well we really just have to accept all the help we need from our family”

Hanga ako sa tatag ng loob mo, kasi kahit mahirap kinakaya mo at tumatayo ka para sainyo ng anak mo. Yung tibay mo sa kritisismo ng mga taong nangliliit sayo at yung tapang mo para sabihin at ipahayag yung saloobin mo, yun ang mga qualities mo na hinangaan ko ng todo sayo.

May point noon na gusto kong i-message ka para sabihin yan, kaso ayoko naming masabihan na feeling close ako sayo.

“I promise I’ll be stronger for you. And please continue to be strong for mommy as well.”

So here’s a salute to one of the greatest mom-to-be, Ms. Mabel Ann Ruedas. Keep it up, everything will be fine.

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One thought on “For Her

  1. Mabel Ann Jioson Ruedas says:

    conceited as I am, ginoogoogle ko pangalan ko. And I saw this. 🙂 Thank you. Feeling ko dapat kilala kita kaso hindi ko naman alam true name mo. HAHAHA. :p i really appreciate this. Sana hindi ka naghehesitate na kausapin ako about things. 🙂 Sino sino pa nga ba ang magdadamayan kundi yung mga taong nagkakaintindihan na lang di ba? 🙂 I’m happy that I’m able to inspire you somehow. I never really thought na I could touch people with what I do. I’ve always been just keen on writing and expressing myself. PERO SOBRANG THANKYOU. 🙂 Just know na nandito lang ako if you need someone to talk to. Believe me, hindi ako nawawalan ng masasabi. Especially when it comes to preggy issues. 🙂

    Thankyou super. 🙂 Godbless you and your baby!

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