Dalisay ang pagkainosente ng
If there’s any advice that I’d give to anyone about getting married, here it is: Act fast, decide slowly. And yes, I suggest living together first.
Act fast. You’re in a relationship for quite some time now and you’re starting to think on settling down with your partner (of course! That’s the main goal in being in a relationship right?) You think you already found the right person? Act right away. Ask her to live with you and test the waters.
That’s where the “decide slowly” gets in. Yep, that’s right. Live together for six months to two years. Most probably that’s long enough to see all the shitty side that your partner have. Take your time, weigh every aspect. Will he be a responsible father? Is she caring enough for your future kids? Ask yourself from time to time if you actually want to be with that person. Can you accept them, flaw and all?
Here’s one tip that my mom told me:
Wanna know your partner’s real attitude? Make them angry. Tell you what, it’s true! It’d show their true color and you’ll know how long is their patience.
Another thing is you’ll never know how a person really is until you live under one roof. Imagine finding out all your partner’s bad sides AFTER getting married. Woah, there’s no going back (we live in Philippines, there’s no divorce here and annulment is too expensive and inconvenient).
Getting married at 24 and having my first child at 20, it somehow gives me a firsthand experience on how marriages work. Most of what I know about marriage are not based on just my experiences alone, some are from observations from other couples around me.
I’ve seen couples regretting that they married their spouse. Most would say “Di ko naman alam na ganyan sya eh” (I didn’t know that he’s like that). If they lived together before settling down, maybe they had a better chance of avoiding the wrong person.
Pagdating mo’y biyaya ng kalangitan
Makisig kong munting prinsipe na aking sandigan
Sa aking kanlungan ika’y matulog ng mahimbing
Magdamag kong gugunitain ang bawat ngiti mo at lambing
It’s been a while since the last time I posted anything and it’s been more than a year since I joined the photo challenge (and the daily prompt too!) so here. Here’s my pick for this week’s photo challenge.
This photo, as you can see, was taken way back in 2009. I was using my first ever camera then (a Sony DSC W110 which was stolen in a mall in 2011). Somehow, this photo reminds me a lot of things. It doesn’t that much detail but it’s close enough to what I wanna capture that time.
This plant was one of the last plants that my grandma had. She passed away a year before I took this photo. My grandpa was still strong back then and he’s the one taking care of her plants. I used to help him in watering all my grandma’s plants during that time. Aaaand here comes a lot of flashbacks from those days….makes me miss them even more.
It’s one of those vacations where we (me and my siblings) enjoyed every single day of it too!
Two days ago, same sex marriage was legalized in the U.S. and as one of the supporters of the LGBT community, I felt the joy, happiness and excitement for them (hoping that someday Philippines will have the same freedom that they are enjoying now).
Earlier as I was browsing on my newsfeed, I saw this post from one of my friends:
I felt really really disappointed ’cause I look up to this person. I know that she is an active member of their church, part of the choir and all but I never thought I’d hear (or read rather) these from her. I thought that HER being an active member of their church knows that what Christ thought is love REGARDLESS of the gender.
Aside from the status, there are a lot more that’s in the comments.
Oo nga, walang masama sa pagsasabi ng opinyon. Nakakadismaya lang talaga.
The fact that I bothered writing a post about her would show how important she is for me.
halos dalawang linggo na kaming nakatira sa bahay ng lola ni Michael. Dito din nakatira yung anak nya sa una. Obviously , sya lang ang bata dito at oo , mahal na mahal sya ng mga taga-dito. Airu is just four years old.
I know my son is kinda sutil pero sa two weeks na andito kami, naobserbahan ko yung pagbabago sa anak ko.
From being a lively kid, lagi na lang syang tulala at nananahimik sa isang sulok. Di sya sumasama sa amin. Di rin sya nagsasabi ng problema. I know that’s too much to ex[ect from a two-year-old kid but I know my son, I know something’s wrong.
For the last few days I tried reconnecting with him to encourage him na makipaglaro samin. Even sakin di sya lumalapit , and for me that breaks my heart. I’d see him laugh when his older brother would laugh. I’d see him play when they are OK but aside from that , he’d simply stare blankly.
i know mapanakit ang anak ko but he’s just two. Pinagsasabihan ko sya palagi. I even let my SIL na pagalitan sya since sya din nagdidisiplina sa panganay ni MIchael. Kumbaga, para patas sa kanilang magkuya.
Isang bagay na napapansin ko sa kanila is yung inggitan sa laruan. Dahil nakikitira kami dito, all of the toys belongs to Airu , Michael’s first son. At first it’s normal kasi parang nahihirapan si Airu mag-share ng laruan sa kapatid nya but then I noticed na tipong nananadya na. Kung anong hawak ng anak ko , yun ang kukunin. It’s not about shortage ng laruan. The kid have a huge drum and a basket filled with his toys. Meron ding syang First Wheels, yung motor ng bata. Halos buong kwarto puno ng laruan. And guess what, he doesn’t want to share. Kung kay Erika OK lang, but kay Alexis, hindi pwede. Ako syempre awang-awa ako sa anak ko kasi pinagdadamutan sya.
Last night I bought him new toys para may sarili syang laruan. A set of 4 toy cars from CARS movie. Paborito nilang magkuya yun eh. Cheap but he obviously loved it. When Airu saw it, he immediately chose what cars he wants and my son immediately shared them. OK na sya kung anong naiwan sa kanya. That made me proud, di pa din madamot anak ko kahit pinagdadamutan sya ng kuya nya.
Today after lunch , after makauwi ni Airu, they were playing. IDK what happened pero dalawa na lang yung natira sa toys ni Alexis. Airu can’t see those other toys na napili nya so pilit nyang kinukuha yung nasa kamay ni Alexis. Ayaw bitawan ni Alexis yung laruan nya kaya kinagat nya si Airu. Erika was acting up that time so hindi ko napigil. I know that hurting others is wrong but what I saw is my son was just protecting himself. Airu cried. Pinagsabihan ni Lola si Alexis. I went out of the room kasi inaasikaso ko yung spaghetti. After that, naririnig ko pa din si Airu saying ‘’AKIN YAN! DI KO YAN IPAPAHIRAM SAYO!’’ He also have a habit of shouting loudly in front of my son’s face lalo kapag galit o naiinis sya.
Pinalampas ko yun, thinking it’s just like what they always do, mag-away. Twice umiyak si Airu then Jhen came in. Pinagalitan nya si Alexis. She said ‘’IKAW, BAKIT KA NANGANGAGAT. ASO KA BA?! ISANG BESES PANG KAGATIN MO SI AIRU KUKUHA NA KO NAG SAKO ITATAPON KITA’’.
The whole time I was asking Michael na bantayan yung mga bata but he was too busy with his laptop.
After that twice na lumapit si Alexis sakin asking me na umuwi na kami. I always ask him to go back inside the room since I’m busy din tapos si Erika nakakapit pa sa binti ko.
After nun umangil nanaman si Airu. I rushed inside the room and i saw my son crying too. Pinagalitan ko sila pareho then dinala ko si Alexis sa kusina. What happened next was blurry. I remember Michael shouting at Alexis saying ‘’WAG KANG UMIYAK JAN”. Sumagot ako, sabi ko ‘’Wag mong sigawan yan. Jan ka lang naman magaling eh. Sumigaw. Bakit, alam mo ba bakit nag-aaway yang dalawang yan? Puro ka computer! Tignan mo yang anak mo, tulog na sa upuan (nakatulog sya sa kakaiyak) may tae pa sa pwet yan di pa nahuhugasan”
Kinuha ni Vina si Erika at dun ko lang napaliguan si Alexis. Pinatulog ko na din. Michael keeps on saying sorry. Ayoko naman sabihin yung rason sa kanya bakit ako nagalit.
All the emotion, naipon na. For the past two weeks awang awa ako sa anak ko na laging pinagdadamutan ng kuya nya. I feel that my son is being bullied and I don’t want this to continue. That instance, when Jhen shouted at him and he asking me na umuwi na kami. Those pushed me to my limit. That made me decide on my own na bukas iuuwi ko na yung mga anak ko sa amin. Maiiwan muna sila dun ng ilang araw but after that I’ll insist kay Michael na magttrabaho na lang muna ako ulit.
HINDING HINDI KO NA IBABALIK ANG MGA ANAK KO DITO.
The whole time that I’m typing , I cant stop my tears. Awang awa ako sa anak ko. Sobrang awang awa.
Ayoko na lang ng gulo so I wouldn’t tell anyone here why I decided on that.
[Featured image not mine]
We started living together with our kids last May 15, 2015 and with less than a month ang dami daming gulo na ang nangyare. Now I believe na ang pag-aasawa ay hindi talaga paglagay sa tahimik.
Anyways, a lot of conflicts have risen in that span of time and I will post some separate blog posts about those. Specially Ms. ChewingGum , that’d be a long one.
I have a lot of questions and most of the time I want to have a professional advice from someone who already know a lot sa mga bagay na ganito.
Somehow these things are also rebuilding the ‘lost’ identity na nawala sa akin after all the conflicts that me and Michael had before.
Well, its too early for me to lose hope na mag-iimprove pa si Michael. He did improve a lot mula nung nag-sama kami but the fact na di nya mapigil ang bunganga nya at ma-control ang emosyon nya, nako, tingin ko dun ako suko. Hopefully things will turn out better pa din.